I wasn’t fortunate to grow up in a christian home all my life, I however did have parents that were christian, they just didn’t go to church. My family moved around a bit so that meant I moved schools a lot.. At the age of 5 I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. At the age of 7 I was diagnosed with a high functioning form of autism known as Aspergers, this means I struggled to be in social settings like crowds or even walking up to people and talking I was also diagnosed with anxiety,School was difficult as I struggled with studies and making friends. When 4th grade rolled around I met a friend and her name was Lily, she became very close to me, and she was a mormon. We became inseparable, she did everything with me and made school bearable. A few months after knowing her and her family, they invited me to started coming to church with them, this was nice because I would get to spend more time with the only friend I had in school. After about a three years I was baptized by her dad into the mormon church. After being baptized I went to church with her up until 8th grade, although we were close and I enjoyed going. I didn't fit quite in, that was when she told me that she and her family was moving to korea (they were a military family like mine).I was devastated that my only true best friend who was like a sister to me was leaving me. I didn’t know what to do. At the age of 15 I started grade 10 with my new found friend Natalie, we weren’t really close in middle school but we met after Lily left but we talked often in school before hand. Around this time I fell away from church or anything to do with God, because if he was real he wouldn't have let my best friend move. So in highschool I met a guy who I fell in love with or so I thought, we dated for a year and a half and it was avery toxic relationship and we fought so much, he was the guy I gave everything to including something that should have been saved for after marriage. After about a year I started to self harm myself...a lot as well as I tried to take my life twice through overdosing on the medicine I had for ADHD. The self harming lasted until the near end of grade 10 when I told Natalie not thinking anyone else would find out. Her mom saw the messages and the pictures and my parents were alerted, they then sent my to a mental facility because they didn’t know what else to do. Here I spent a week being treated for my self harm issue and was then diagnosed with depression, as if life couldn’t get worse by adding another flaw to the list. I came home late october and the next month my moms father invited us to his church and we went but I was scared because I didn’t really believe or wanna be around anyone that did because everything was always going wrong in my life. What God would let that happen? When we went, I was introduced to the youth group, naturally I was afraid it would be how it always is, hostile and awkward, but it wasn’t. I was welcomed with opened arms as if I had been going there for ages. So not knowing what it even meant to be christian I was signed up to attend a youth conference that happens every year in Gatlinburg TN. Here we stayed three days listening to bands and speakers give messages. I didn’t understand anything naturally but somehow I didn’t feel out of place. The night of december 31st the song Holy Spirit was being played and I just listened and I felt a movement in my heart but I didn’t know what it was, later that night we heard from a speaker named Tom Richter,at the end of his sermon had us all close our eyes while the pastors of youth groups when to the walls. He recited the sinner's prayer and had us that weren’t saved repeated , of course I didn’t know what it meant to be saved but as usual I followed the crowd but silently repeated it and after I did I felt this weight lifted off of my shoulders and I was crying so hard. a youth pastor from kentucky prayed over me and I can remember falling into him bawling my eyes out knowing somehow what it meant to be saved and who God was and what he did for us to be alive and what he continues to do. I went home that next sunday and announced my salvation and was truly baptized into a new home where I so gladly wouldn’t trade. It wasn’t until a year later things started looking up (aside from growing out of my disorders ) I was a new person someone that didn't fear depression and what it did to me. Someone who understood why the pills didn’t kill me and why my friends mom found out of my self harm. Further upon attending church one morning in sunday school I was flipping through my bible and came across a verse in Psalm 34 verse 17 which reads:
The righteous cry and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
Here I understood even more and was so happy God saved me. In november of 2016 my friend natalie someone I look to now as family, we went to a festival, We were heading to the festival one night and when we were so close to the gate we had gotten into a nasty car wreck but luckily we made it out alive by the grace of God. He had a plan for us and I knew it but I also knew from the looks of the wreck we weren’t supposed to make it out. Over the past few years I began to grow closer and understood even more and uncovered so much to why I am here.I didnt know what I wanted to do for college and discovered a mission fondation at a youth conference. Before going to camp I entered a relationship which probably wasn’t the best decision and it was a little bit toxic to the point I felt used and neglected. It was one day when I was off work and 400 miles from home that I was starting to feel depressed so much that it was taking me back down the path I went when I self harmed and it almost got there but that was until I just sat in my bed crying praying to God to help that he then answered and just simply told me it was time to let go of the relationship and focus on me and grow in my faith and that is what I did, so I told the guy we needed to call it off and that my mental state and relationship with God was more important than anything else. As the summer came close to an end I still didn’t have enough money to go on my mission trip and so I started to panic, I began to pray and pray and one night while reading my bible I came across a passage in Philippians 4 which says:
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God.
So again I prayed and prayed only to find out I became fully funded two days before my flight was scheduled to leave. Upon coming to canada I was scared to leave my home but I knew somehow I would be okay, that yes I would be homesick but I knew God would comfort me. Over the years I have seen God work so deeply in my life from the bad and good, from turning me away from the destructive things and showing me that there is a reason I am on this planet and everyday I continue to strive and grow closer to Him and do what he has called for me even through the trials I face in life. In my time at Capernwray God has shown me that if God reveals something to you then do it. As it says in Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you you go.
The righteous cry and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
Here I understood even more and was so happy God saved me. In november of 2016 my friend natalie someone I look to now as family, we went to a festival, We were heading to the festival one night and when we were so close to the gate we had gotten into a nasty car wreck but luckily we made it out alive by the grace of God. He had a plan for us and I knew it but I also knew from the looks of the wreck we weren’t supposed to make it out. Over the past few years I began to grow closer and understood even more and uncovered so much to why I am here.I didnt know what I wanted to do for college and discovered a mission fondation at a youth conference. Before going to camp I entered a relationship which probably wasn’t the best decision and it was a little bit toxic to the point I felt used and neglected. It was one day when I was off work and 400 miles from home that I was starting to feel depressed so much that it was taking me back down the path I went when I self harmed and it almost got there but that was until I just sat in my bed crying praying to God to help that he then answered and just simply told me it was time to let go of the relationship and focus on me and grow in my faith and that is what I did, so I told the guy we needed to call it off and that my mental state and relationship with God was more important than anything else. As the summer came close to an end I still didn’t have enough money to go on my mission trip and so I started to panic, I began to pray and pray and one night while reading my bible I came across a passage in Philippians 4 which says:
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God.
So again I prayed and prayed only to find out I became fully funded two days before my flight was scheduled to leave. Upon coming to canada I was scared to leave my home but I knew somehow I would be okay, that yes I would be homesick but I knew God would comfort me. Over the years I have seen God work so deeply in my life from the bad and good, from turning me away from the destructive things and showing me that there is a reason I am on this planet and everyday I continue to strive and grow closer to Him and do what he has called for me even through the trials I face in life. In my time at Capernwray God has shown me that if God reveals something to you then do it. As it says in Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you you go.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid;do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. |